Steven Wright (born
December 6,
1955) is an
American actor,
writer and
stand-up comedian from
New York,
New York.
Wright is known for his slow, monotone delivery of ironic, witty and sometimes confusing jokes and one liners.
Wright released a comedy album in 1985 entiteld I Have a Pony.
In 1992, Wright had a reaccuring role on the television sitcom Mad About You[?].
- "I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out."
- "When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?"
- "What's another word for thesaurus?"
- "I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
- "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."
- "I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night."
- "I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
- "I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
- "If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses."
- "I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now."
- "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
- "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work."
- "Why is it, 'A penny for your thoughts,' but, you have to 'put your two cents in?' Somebody's making a penny."
- "I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there."
- "I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, 'Hey, maybe I wrote that.'"
- "I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
- "I once locked my keys out of my car. I had break out of my car with a coat hanger."
- "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot."
- "We had a quicksand box in our backyard. I was an only child, eventually."